The 78-Storey Treehouse Read online

  Well, what are you waiting for? Come on up!

  ‘Brilliantly silly’ – The Daily Telegraph

  ‘Hilariously clever’ – Australian Women’s Weekly

  ‘It will be reread and reread . . . A fantastic ride’

  – The Australian

  THE BAD BOOKS ANDY GRIFFITHS AND TERRY DENTON

  THE BAD BOOK

  WARNING! This book contains nothing but bad stories, bad illustrations, bad poems, bad cartoons and bad riddles about bad characters doing bad things. It is a very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very bad book.

  BAD JACK HORNER

  Bad Jack Horner

  Sat in a corner

  Pulling the wings off a fly.

  He swore at his mum

  Kicked his dad in the bum,

  And said ‘Oh, what a bad boy am I’.

  ANDY GRIFFITHS AND TERRY DENTON

  THE VERY BAD BOOK

  In a very bad wood,

  There was a very bad house.

  And in that very bad house,

  There was a very bad room.

  And in that very bad room,

  There was a very bad cupboard.

  And in that very bad cupboard,

  There was a very bad shelf.

  And on that very bad shelf,

  There was a very bad box.

  And in that very bad box,

  There was a VERY BAD BOOK...

  AND THIS IS IT!!!

  ANDY GRIFFITHS AND TERRY DENTON

  KILLER KOALAS FROM OUTER SPACE

  This is a very silly book filled with very bad things.

  There are bad ideas like eating dead flies, and silly people like the boy who unscrews his head and loses it forever. Then there are very bad things like bloodsucking grannies, rocket-stealing ants and, of course, killer koalas from outer space that come to earth and rip off your face.

  A collection of stories from The Bad Book and The Very Bad Book that will make your brain EXPLODE!

  ANDY AND TERRY’S WORLD OF STUPIDITY SERIES

  ANDY GRIFFITHS AND TERRY DENTON

  WHAT BODY PART IS THAT?

  There is a lot of nonsense written about the human body, and this book is no exception. In its 68 fully illustrated, 100 per cent fact-free chapters, What Body Part is That? will explain everything you ever needed to know about your body without the boring technical jargon and scientific accuracy that normally clog up the pages of books of this type.

  Never again will you be stuck for an answer when somebody comes up to you, points to a part of your body and demands to know: What Body Part is That? The crazy duo Andy Griffiths and Terry Denton have turned us all inside out in the Andy and Terry guide to the human body: What Body Part is That? is packed with incredible information on the brain, the bum, the spleen and so much more – this is one anatomical journey you don’t want to miss. This fully illustrated stupid guide to the human body features the biggest, the smallest, the funniest, the stupidest and The Most Disgustingest parts of your body. It’s divided into anatomically comprehensive sections such as:

  * The bits you can see

  * The bits you can’t see

  Packed with handy advice such as how to use your head as a bowling ball (the eye sockets and mouth make excellent holes for your fingers), you’ll learn more than you ever wanted to know about just what the body does, what it can do, and what you hope it never does.

  ANDY GRIFFITHS AND TERRY DENTON

  WHAT BUMOSAUR IS THAT?

  •Why was the Tyrannosore-arse Rex so angry?

  •Where did Bogasauruses live?

  •How many cheeks did a Tricerabutt have?

  •Was the Bumheaded idiotasaurus the most stupid bumosaur?

  •When did the bumosaurs become exstinkt?

  Find the answers to these and many other questions in this fully-illustrated guide to prehistoric bumosaur life. Covering the Pre-Crappian era through to the Post-Crapaceous, this essential reference will thrill, amaze and inform the whole family. Never again will you look like a fool when somebody asks: “What bumosaur is that?”

  THE SCHOOLING AROUND SERIES

  ANDY GRIFFITHS

  TREASURE FEVER!

  ‘Suppose you were a pirate and

  you had a whole heap of treasure,’

  I said, ‘where would you bury it?’

  Somewhere in the grounds of Northwest Southeast Central School, that’s where! And once the secret gets out, the race is on to find it – even if it means digging up the whole school … but who will get there first?

  ANDY GRIFFITHS

  PENCIL OF DOOM!

  ‘That pencil is dangerous,’ I said. ‘Even when you draw something nice, something bad happens.’

  When Henry McThrottle tells his fellow students at Northwest Southeast Central School that his pencil is trying to kill him they accuse him of having an overactive imagination. But if that’s the case, then why is his pencil still trying to kill him?

  ANDY GRIFFITHS

  MASCOT MADNESS!

  ‘I want the old Mr Brainfright back,’said Jenny. ‘He’s not a very nice banana. I liked him better when he was a human being.’

  When Mr Brainfright dresses up in a banana costume to take on the role of school mascot, it looks like Northwest Southeast Central School might beat the bad sports of Northwest West West Academy for the first time ever. But then Mr Brainfright begins to think he really is a banana…

  ANDY GRIFFITHS

  ROBOT RIOT!

  ‘Roberta Flywheel is a robot!’ I said.

  ‘Are you for real, Henry?’ said Gretel.

  ‘Yes!’ I said. ‘unlike Roberta –

  or should I say ROBOT-a?!’

  What do Henry and his friends at Northwest South East Central School do when they become convinced that the new girl is an evil robot with plans to destroy them all? They get school genius, Grant Gadget, to build an evil-robot-fighting robot, of course. What could possibly go wrong? Well, quite a lot, actually…

  THE FLAT CAT & BIG FAT COW SERIES

  ANDY GRIFFITHS AND TERRY DENTON

  THE CAT ON THE MAT IS FLAT

  •How did the cat on the mat get flat?

  •Why did Ed and Ted and Ted’s dog Fred get spat out of the head of a whale called Ned?

  •Where was Harry Black when Jack the Yak stole the snack from his sack?

  •What happened to Buck the Duck’s brand new muck-sucking truck?

  •Who else, apart from Andy G and Terry D, was chased up a tree by an evil bee?

  The answers to these stupid questions – and many other stupid questions – are contained in this deeply stupid book... Well, what are you waiting for?

  Open the book and start reading!

  - Suitable for ages 4 – 104

  - Rating: Stupid

  ANDY GRIFFITHS AND TERRY DENTON

  THE BIG FAT COW THAT GOES KAPOW!

  Oh no – watch out!

  Don’t look now!

  Inside this book is an EXPLODING cow!

  FIVE...

  FOUR...

  THREE...

  TWO...

  ONE...

  KAPOW!

  More rhyming mayhem and comic madness from the bestselling duo of the inspired JUST! series. Andy Griffiths rhyming text – that will entice and engage the most reluctant child to read while laughing all the way – is hilariously counterpointed by Terry Denton’s delightfully wonky illustrations. A side-splitting companion to the award-winning and Children’s Book Council shortlisted title, The Cat on the Mat is Flat.

  ANDY GRIFFITHS AND TERRY DENTON

  THE CAT, THE RAT AND THE BASEBALL BAT

  What happens when a cat meets a rat with a baseball bat?

  This hilarious story from Andy Griffiths’ popular book The Cat on the Mat is Flat has been formatted especially for beginning readers.

  THE BUM SERIES

  ANDY GRIFFITHS AND TERRY DENTON

  THE DAY MY BUM WENT PSYCHO

  ‘This is
my story.

  It really happened.

  It’s all true.

  Not even the names have been changed.

  Like most people I took my bum for granted. I agreed to tell my story in the hope that others could learn from it. If this book can save even just one person from making the same mistake, then I will be happy.

  Who knows?

  The next bum it saves might be yours.’

  Zack Freeman is ready to tell his story. The story of a boy, his runaway bum and some of the most dangerous bums in the world including kamikaze bums; nuclear bums; and Stenchgantor, the Great Unwiped Bum. With the help of The B-team (a crack bum-fighting unit comprising three of the best bum-fighters in the business: the Kicker, the Smacker and the Kisser), Zack will risk methane madness crossing the Great Windy Desert, death by stink-bog in the Brown Forest, and the perils of the Sea of Bums before finally descending into the heart of an explosive bumcano to confront the most psycho bum of them all–His own!

  ANDY GRIFFITHS AND TERRY DENTON

  ZOMBIE BUMS FROM URANUS

  Zack Freeman is back … and so is his bum.

  Aided by little more than a squeezy bottle of tomato sauce, a rudimentary grasp of the hokey pokey and three of the oldest bum-fighters on the planet, Zack and his bum are fighting to protect the Earth against an invasion of some of the smelliest and most dangerous bums ever to pollute the universe: zombie bums from Uranus!

  Can they prevent the unthinkable – total zombie-bummification of the world?

  Be bold, be brave, be entertained beyond your wildest dreams in the heart-stopping, nostril-blasting, zombie-bums-from-Uranus-filled sequel to The Day My Bum Went Psycho.

  ANDY GRIFFITHS AND TERRY DENTON

  BUMAGEDDON: THE FINAL PONGFLICT

  THE BLOCKBUSTING CONCLUSION TO THE

  UNIVARSELY BESTSELLING BUM TRILOGY!

  Zack Freeman and his bum thought their world-saving days were over – that is, until they are attacked by an army of Great White Bumosaurs from 65 million years ago!

  Along with some old friends, they must travel back in time to save the world – again – from the pongflict to end all pongflicts: Bumageddon!

  ANDY GRIFFITHS

  THE DAY MY BUTT WENT PSYCHO

  Zack Freeman woke out of a deep sleep to see his butt perched on the ledge of his bedroom window. ‘No!’ He yelled. ‘Come back!’ But it was too late. His butt jumped out of the window and landed with a soft thud in the garden bed below. Zack stared at the window and sighed. ‘Oh no,’ he said, ‘Not again.’

  So begins the story of a boy and his crazy runaway butt. A story so sensational, so stinky and so stupid it has to be read to be believed … if you dare!

  THE DAY MY BUTT WENT PSYCHO: A STORY (AND NOW A MAJOR CARTOON SERIES) THAT YOU – AND YOUR BUTT – WILL NEVER FORGET!

  Originally published as The Day My Bum Went Psycho!

  THE JUST! SERIES

  ANDY GRIFFITHS AND TERRY DENTON

  JUST TRICKING!

  In Just Annoying! Andy firmly established himself as the world’s most annoying person. But did you realise that he is also the world’s leading practical joker? The ten hilarious stories in Just Tricking! confirm Andy’s status as a class-one practical joker – the only problem is that his practical jokes usually end up backfiring!

  In ‘Playing Dead’ Andy pretends that he is dead to get out of going to school, but when his parents prepare to bury him in the backyard he starts to wonder if it was such a clever idea after all! Other practical jokes include pretending that corn relish is vomit to make an old lady move seats on a plane, and dressing up as a gorillagram to embarrass his sister, Jen, at her birthday party.

  Just Tricking! is full of highly original, and extremely funny stories. But above all, it is just pure fun!

  ‘Mad, fun and way out there!’DISNEY ADVENTURES

  ‘Entertaining tales of prank and mischief will have the kids giggling with delight’ THE AGE

  ‘Just Tricking! with its anarchic, irreverent style has few literary pretensions. It is a book to read for fun’ MAGPIES

  ANDY GRIFFITHS AND TERRY DENTON

  JUST ANNOYING!

  There is a fine line between playing tricks on people and annoying the hell out of them. Andy should know. He crosses the line on a regular basis!

  Just Annoying! is Paul Jennings meets Morris Gleitzman meets Roald Dahl. The nine uniquely Australian stories find Andy in hilarious situations such as setting a new speed record by swinging on the clothes line, being terrorised by a garden gnome that he has taken on holidays with him, chasing the last jaffa in the cinema and having his imaginary friends taking on a life of their own.

  ‘Over the top tales from a born story-teller’ MAGPIES

  ‘The stories are far-fetched and imaginative – every young trickster will love them’ AUSTRALIAN BOOKSELLER AND PUBLISHER

  ‘Original, funny and lots of fun’ SUNDAY MAIL (Brisbane)

  ANDY GRIFFITHS AND TERRY DENTON

  JUST STUPID!

  Gasp as Andy careers down a hill in an abandoned pram wearing only a nappy, groan as he desperately looks for a toilet in a shopping centre before he explodes, and squirm as he stuffs twenty marshmallows into his mouth without swallowing…

  But most of all laugh because Andy is back – and doing more stupid things than ever before.

  Nine highly original stories that see Andy G lurch from one stupid mistake to another, and yet always survive … Short, tightly-written comedies to entertain the most cynical reader complemented by imaginative and hilarious illustrations from one of Australia’s most well-known and acclaimed illustrators, Terry Denton.

  ‘Another beauty’ COURIER MAIL

  “Exaggerated, over-the-top, lunatic humour’ VIEWPOINT

  ‘Highly original, hilarious and hysterically stupid tales’ THE INDEPENDENT READER

  ANDY GRIFFITHS AND TERRY DENTON

  JUST CRAZY!

  Is this the right book for you?

  Take the CRAZY TEST and find out.

  Do you ever bounce so high on your bed that you hit your head on the ceiling?

  Do you ever look in the mirror and see a crazy maniac staring back at you?

  Do you like to read stories about kittens, puppies and ponies getting mashed and pulverised?

  Do you sometimes get the urge to take your clothes off and cover yourself in mud?

  Do you often waste your time taking crazy tests like this one?

  SCORE: One point for every ‘yes’ answer.

  3-5

  You are completely crazy. You will love this book.

  1-2

  You are not completely crazy, but you’re not far off it. You will love this book.

  0

  You are so far crazy you don’t even realise you’re crazy. You will love this book.

  ANDY GRIFFITHS AND TERRY DENTON

  JUST DISGUSTING!

  Is this the right book for you?

  Take the DISGUSTING TEST and find out.

  Do you ever pick your nose?

  Do you ever pick other people’s noses?

  Do you ever find unidentified brown blobs in your bath?

  Do you think being able to burp the alphabet is an important life skill?

  Do you like stories about disgusting things like dead flies, giant slugs, maggots and brussel sprouts?

  SCORE: One point for each ‘yes’ answer.

  3-5

  You are completely and utterly disgusting. You will love this book.

  1-2

  You are fairly disgusting. You will love this book.

  0

  You are either a liar or an adult (or both). You will love this book.

  ANDY GRIFFITHS AND TERRY DENTON

  JUST SHOCKING!

  Is this the right book for you?

  Take the SHOCKING TEST and find out.

  Do you wish you could drive around in a monster truck crushing everybody and everything that gets in your way?

  Do you love
watching videos of people having painful accidents?

  Do you do any – or all – of the following: touch electric fences, play with loaded mousetraps or put buttons up your nose?

  Do you think stories about exploding pink butterflies are funny?

  Do you ever laugh so hard that you feel like you’re going to throw up all over yourself... and then you actually do?

  SCORE: One point for each yes answer.

  3-5

  You are a shocking, shocking person! You will love this book.

  1-2

  You are quite shocking! You will love this book.

  0

  What a shocking score! You will love this book.

  ANDY GRIFFITHS AND TERRY DENTON

  JUST MACBETH!

  •Take one Shakespearean tragedy: Macbeth.

  •Add Andy, Danny and Lisa – the Just trio, whose madcap exploits have already delighted hundreds of thousands of readers for the last ten years.

  •Mix them all together to create one of the most hilarious, most dramatic, moving stories of love, Whizz Fizz, witches, murder and madness, from the bestselling and funniest children’s author in Australia.

  ANDY GRIFFITHS AND TERRY DENTON

  JUST DOOMED!

  YES / NO

  Do you ignore health warnings and safety instructions whenever possible?