The 52-Storey Treehouse Read online

  About The 52-storey treehouse

  Andy and Terry’s incredible, ever-expanding treehouse has 13 new storeys, including a watermelon-smashing level, a wave machine, a life-size snakes and ladders game (with real ladders and real snakes!), a rocket-powered carrot-launcher, a Ninja Snail Training Academy and a high-tech detective agency with all the latest high-tech detective technology, which is lucky because they have a BIG mystery to solve—where is Mr Big Nose???

  Well, what are you waiting for? Come on up!

  CONTENTS

  COVER

  About The 52-storey treehouse

  CHAPTER 1 The 52-Storey Treehouse

  CHAPTER 2 The Mystery of the Missing

  Mr Big Nose

  CHAPTER 3 Andy & Terry’s High-Tech

  Detective Agency

  CHAPTER 4 Fun With Vegetables

  CHAPTER 5 Sleeping Jill

  CHAPTER 6 Journey to the Castle

  CHAPTER 7 The Vegetable Kingdom

  CHAPTER 8 The Dungeon

  CHAPTER 9 Human Soup

  CHAPTER 10 Vegetable Patty to the Rescue

  CHAPTER 11 Surprise!

  CHAPTER 12 A Crazy Plan

  CHAPTER 13 The Last Chapter

  About Andy Griffiths and Terry Denton

  Also by Andy Griffiths and Terry Denton

  Copyright page

  CHAPTER 1

  THE 52-STOREY

  TREEHOUSE

  Hi, my name is Andy.

  This is my friend Terry.

  We live in a tree.

  Well, when I say ‘tree’, I mean treehouse. And when I say ‘treehouse’, I don’t just mean any old treehouse—I mean a 52-storey treehouse!

  (It used to be a 39-storey treehouse, but we’ve added another 13 storeys.)

  So what are you waiting for?

  Come on up!

  We’ve added a watermelon-smashing room,

  a chainsaw-juggling level,

  a make-your-own-pizza parlour,

  a rocket-powered carrot-launcher,

  a giant hairdryer that is so strong it practically blasts the hair right off your head,

  a rocking horse racetrack,

  a haunted house,

  a wave machine,

  a life-size snakes and ladders game—

  with real ladders and real snakes,

  a 24-hours-a-day, 7-days-a-week, non-stop Punch and Judy puppet show,

  a remembering booth to help us remember important stuff we might have forgotten,

  a Ninja Snail Training Academy

  (Terry’s idea, not mine),

  and a high-tech detective agency, which has all the latest high-tech detective technology, like a complete set of magnifying glasses (including one so small that you need another magnifying glass to see it), a hot-donut vending machine …

  and a Disguise-o-matic 5000, which has a disguise for every occasion!

  As well as being our home, the treehouse is also where we make books together. I write the words and Terry draws the pictures.

  As you can see, we’ve been doing this for quite a while now.

  Life in the treehouse isn’t always easy, of course,

  but one thing is for sure …

  it’s never dull!

  CHAPTER 2

  THE MYSTERY OF

  THE MISSING MR BIG NOSE

  If you’re like most of our readers, you’re probably wondering how old we are. Well, it’s funny you should be wondering that because today is actually my birthday! I can’t wait to see what sort of amazing surprise Terry has planned for me.

  He’s probably in the kitchen baking a cake for me right now.

  Hang on … I’m in the kitchen … and there’s no cake-baking going on here.

  Hmmm. He knows how much I love juggling chainsaws. Maybe he’s planning on throwing me a surprise party on the chainsaw-juggling level!

  Nope. There are a few chainsaws, a bit of blood

  and a couple of severed fingers, but no Terry and— even worse—no party!

  Perhaps he’s planning a make-your-own-pizza party …

  I climb up to the make-your-own-pizza parlour, acting like I’ve got no idea that Terry’s waiting for me and … guess what?

  He’s not!

  Okay. I think I know what’s going on—I bet he’s forgotten all about my birthday and he’s in that stupid Ninja Snail Training Academy! He’s been spending all his time there lately trying to turn a bunch of dumb snails into Ninjas (which, of course, as everyone knows, is totally impossible!).

  I climb up to the Ninja Snail Training Academy and, sure enough, there he is.

  ‘Oh, hi, Andy!’ says Terry. ‘I’m just training my Ninja Snails. ‘Watch this!’

  ‘Attack!’

  ‘Fly!’

  ‘Use super Ninja stealth!’

  ‘Launch Ninja Snail death-stars!’

  ‘Start a Ninja decoy fire!’

  ‘Solve a Ninja crossword puzzle!’

  ‘Terry,’ I say, ‘they’re not doing anything.’

  ‘Yes, they are,’ says Terry. ‘They’re just doing it really slowly! So slowly you can’t see them doing it.’

  ‘This is a complete waste of time!’ I say. ‘Especially when there are more important things you could be doing.’

  ‘What could be more important than training my snails to be Ninjas?’ says Terry.

  ‘Hmmm, let me see,’ I say. ‘What about remembering important dates? Like today, for example!’

  ‘What’s so special about today?’ says Terry.

  ‘That’s what I want you to tell me,’ I say.

  Terry thinks for a moment and then says, ‘Is it underpants-changing day?’

  ‘That’s every day!’ I say.

  ‘Is it underpants-washing day?’ says Terry.

  ‘NO!’

  ‘Is it Wear Your Underpants On Your Head Day?’ says Terry.

  ‘There’s no such thing!’

  ‘Yeah, I know,’ says Terry, chuckling. ‘But wouldn’t it be fun if there was?’

  ‘No, it wouldn’t be “fun”,’ I say. ‘It would be disgusting! I think you’d better go to the remembering booth and remember what day it is.’

  ‘What about my Ninja Snails?’ says Terry.

  ‘Don’t worry about them,’ I say. ‘I’m pretty sure they’ll be here when you get back … probably in exactly the same spot.’

  ‘Yes, because I’ll tell them to stay,’ says Terry, turning to the snails. ‘STAY!’

  The snails don’t move.

  ‘Look at that,’ he says proudly. ‘And you said snails couldn’t be trained.’

  We go to the remembering booth.

  Terry sits down and I lower the cone of remembrance over his head and lock it into position.

  ‘Okay,’ I say, ‘it’s ready. You can start remembering now.’

  Terry gets a dreamy look on his face.

  ‘Remember the time we came to the remembering booth to try to remember what was special about today?’ he says, as images of us climbing up to the remembering booth appear on the screens.

  ‘How could I ever forget it?’ I say. ‘Especially since it only happened ONE MINUTE AGO!’

  ‘Hang on, I’m remembering something else!’ says Terry. ‘Remember the time we set the wave machine to the maximum possible size and had that surfing competition and you got wiped out and I won?’

  ‘No,’ I say, ‘I don’t remember that at all.’

  ‘I’m not surprised,’ says Terry, ‘you hit your head pretty hard on those rocks. Look!’

  I shake my fist at him. ‘I’ll hit your head pretty hard in a minute if you don’t start remembering what you’re supposed to be remembering right now.’

  Terry continues remembering
. ‘Remember the time one of the ghosts from the haunted house got out and haunted our toilet?’ he says.

  ‘Don’t remind me,’ I say. ‘I was so scared, I needed to go to the toilet, but I couldn’t go to the toilet because there was a ghost in there!’

  ‘And remember when I put my mouth over the giant hairdryer and my head got really big?’ says Terry.

  ‘Are you kidding?’ I say. ‘That was the funniest day ever, especially when I popped it with a pin!’

  ‘Andy?’ says Terry. ‘I’ve just remembered something else.’

  ‘Is it to do with me?’

  ‘Yes!’

  ‘Well,’ I say, ‘what is it?’

  ‘I seem to remember that I vowed to get revenge on you for popping my head with a pin.’

  ‘Never mind that now,’ I say. ‘Do you remember anything else about me? Anything at all?’

  ‘Yes, I do,’ says Terry. ‘And it’s quite important, too.’

  ‘At last! Good work, Terry,’ I say. ‘Well?’

  ‘We’re supposed to be writing a book,’ he says. ‘And it’s due any day now.’

  Uh-oh.

  Terry’s absolutely right.

  We are supposed to be writing a book and it is due any day now!

  ‘It’s strange Mr Big Nose hasn’t called to remind us,’ I say.

  ‘Yeah,’ says Terry. ‘We’re already up to page 54 and he usually calls around page 30!’

  ‘Maybe we’d better call him,’ I say, ‘and remind him to call us to remind us when our book is due, otherwise we’ll never get it done in time.’

  ‘Good idea,’ says Terry.

  We go to the 3D video screen and call Mr Big Nose. We see his office, but we can’t see Mr Big Nose. What we can see, though, are overturned chairs, broken trophies, books all over the floor and what looks like vegetable leaves everywhere.

  ‘Boy, he sure has a messy office,’ says Terry.

  ‘That’s no ordinary mess,’ I say. ‘That is what is known in the detective trade as signs of a struggle.’

  ‘What sort of struggle?’ says Terry.

  ‘That’s exactly what we need to find out,’ I say.

  ‘Yay!’ says Terry. ‘We’ve got a mystery to solve! A big one! The Mystery of the Missing Mr Big Nose.’

  ‘We’d better get to our high-tech detective agency and get high-tech detecting immediately!’ I say.

  ‘Should I go and get the Ninja Snails?’ says Terry.

  ‘No,’ I say, ‘they’ll just slow us down.’

  ‘But they’re Ninjas!’ says Terry.

  ‘They’re also snails,’ I say. ‘Come on, we’ve got no time to lose.’

  CHAPTER 3

  ANDY & TERRY’S

  HIGH-TECH DETECTIVE

  AGENCY

  I don’t know whether or not you have your own high-tech detective agency, but if you do you’ll probably know that it can take a long time to get in because of all the high-tech security. I’m not just talking about boring, old-fashioned big-toe recognition security, either.

  I’m talking big-toe, middle-toe, little-toe, whole-foot, lower-leg, upper-leg, left-buttock, right-buttock, lower-back, middle-back, upper-back, chest, arms, neck and head recognition security …

  not to mention hair analysis,

  blood tests,

  retinal scans,

  a dance contest …

  and a really hard Andy & Terry trivia quiz!

  By the time we finally get in we’re pretty hungry.

  ‘Let’s have a donut,’ says Terry.

  ‘Good idea!’ I say. ‘No detective ever solved a mystery without the help of a hot jam donut.’

  We eat our donuts and think …

  and think …

  and think …

  and think.

  ‘Well?’ I say. ‘What do you think?’

  ‘I think I’d like another donut,’ says Terry.

  ‘Me too!’ I say.

  We get two more hot jam donuts and continue thinking …

  and thinking …

  and thinking …

  and thinking.

  ‘Well?’ I say. ‘What are you thinking?’

  ‘About what?’ says Terry.

  ‘About how to solve The Mystery of the Missing Mr Big Nose,’ I say.

  ‘Beats me,’ shrugs Terry. ‘I haven’t got a clue.’

  ‘That’s it!’ I say. ‘You haven’t got a clue. I haven’t got a clue. We haven’t got any clues! We can’t solve a mystery without clues!’

  ‘But where do we get clues from?’ says Terry.

  ‘From the scene of the crime, of course!’ I say. ‘We’ve got to go to Mr Big Nose’s office.’

  ‘Great!’ says Terry. ‘Let’s ride there on our flying beetroots.’

  ‘We can’t,’ I say. ‘They disappeared about a week ago.’

  ‘Another mystery,’ says Terry, frowning. ‘The Mystery of the Missing Flying Beetroots.’

  ‘Yes,’ I say, ‘but we have to solve The Mystery of the Missing Mr Big Nose first. We’ll take the flying fried-egg car to his office.’

  ‘No problem,’ says Terry. ‘I’ll just choose a suitable disguise.’

  ‘All right,’ I say, ‘but make it fast. We don’t want the clues to go cold.’

  ‘Sure, Andy,’ says Terry, heading for the Disguise-o-matic 5000.

  I’m climbing into the flying fried-egg car when somebody taps me on the shoulder. I turn around. It’s an old man.

  ‘Who are you?’ I say.

  ‘Don’t you recognise your best friend?’ chuckles the old man. ‘It’s me—Terry! I’m in disguise!’

  ‘Terry!’ I say. ‘Quit mucking around. This is serious! Terry? Terry?’

  He’s gone again. In his place is a big, fat, slimy frogpotamus.

  Yeuch! I hate those things!

  ‘Get out of here!’ I yell. ‘Didn’t you read our last book? The treehouse is a frogpotamus-free zone!’

  ‘Relax,’ says Terry, stepping out of the frogpotamus costume. ‘It’s just me again.’

  I step forward to throttle him but I find my hands clutching a metal pole instead of his neck. I look up. It’s a stop sign.

  ‘Terry?’ I call. ‘Where are you?’

  ‘Right here,’ says the stop sign. Terry peels off the costume and laughs. ‘Gotcha!’

  ‘Stop doing that!’ I say.

  ‘Stop what?’ he says.

  ‘Stop dressing up like a stop sign and stop playing with the Disguise-o-matic 5000! It’s a high-tech detective tool, not a toy!’

  ‘Sorry,’ he says, ‘but once you start it’s hard to STOP. Get it?’

  ‘Yes.’

  ‘Then why aren’t you laughing?’

  ‘Because it’s not funny.’

  ‘Yes, it is.’

  ‘No, it’s NOT!’

  ‘Yes, it is.’

  ‘STOP saying “Yes, it is”!’ I say. ‘IT’S NOT FUNNY!’

  ‘Yes, it is,’ Terry insists. ‘I dressed up like a stop sign and you told me to stop dressing up like a stop sign and—’

  ‘Excuse me, Terry,’ I say. ‘I’m very sorry to have to do this.’

  ‘What?’ he says.

  ‘This,’ I say, giving him a short sharp tap on the head with a magnifying glass.

  ‘Thanks,’ says Terry. ‘I needed that.’

  ‘Don’t mention it,’ I say. ‘That’s what friends are for. Come on! To the flying fried-egg car!’

  We jump in and pull the yolk down tightly over the top of us.

  I press EXTRA SIZZLE on the control panel …

  and we take off through the concealed flying fried-egg car hatch in the top of the detective agency.

  We fly through Mr Big Nose’s window and park next to his bookshelf.

  Terry takes out the two biggest magnifying glasses and starts looking for clues.

  ‘Hmm, very interesting,’ he says.

  ‘I see a magnifying glass …

  I see a hand holding a magnifying glass …

&
nbsp; I see an arm attached to a hand that’s holding a magnifying glass …

  Hmmm … this is a definite clue, Andy, a very definite clue!’