The 65-Storey Treehouse Read online

  ‘Well that’s pretty obvious!’ she says.

  ‘We’ve been on quite a journey, that’s true,’ says the inspector. ‘But, according to my watch, only a few minutes have passed since we left.’

  ‘It’s been much longer than that for me,’ says Jill. ‘Time passes faster when you’re small. I’ve been living with the ants for a whole year. I thought you were never coming back!’

  ‘Will you ever be able to forgive us?’ I say.

  ‘Oh, I suppose so,’ says Jill. ‘I have to admit it wasn’t all bad. The real question is whether the ants can forgive you for breaking your solemn promise never to disturb their ant farm ever again.’

  ‘It appears they already have,’ I say. ‘Well, Terry, at least. Look, they’ve formed themselves into a massive certific-ant of gratitude!’

  ‘That is so typical of the ant kingdom,’ says Jill. ‘Ants are some of the nicest people I’ve ever met.’

  ‘Would you like me to draw you back to normal size?’ says Terry.

  ‘Not right now,’ says Jill. ‘There are a few things I need to do and I think the ants are going to need a little help rebuilding their farm. I’ll call you on the micro-mini-megaphone when I’m ready.’

  ‘Well, that all worked out quite nicely,’ says Terry.

  ‘Yes,’ I say, ‘except we still don’t have our building permit.’

  ‘Oh yeah,’ says Terry, ‘I completely forgot. That’s why we went time travelling in the first place … and now we can’t go back because our time machine is broken.’

  I turn to the inspector. ‘So do we still need the permit?’

  ‘I’m afraid so,’ he says. ‘Without the permit, I can’t cancel the demolition. And I can’t issue a permit because your treehouse violates almost every section of the building code.’*

  * Note: See pages 86-93

  ‘But can’t you make an exception?’ says Terry. ‘Just this once? You really seemed to enjoy our trip through time and all the dangerous stuff that happened!’

  ‘Well, yes,’ says the inspector, ‘but …’

  ‘And doing the chariot race was way more dangerous than our rocking horse racetrack or dodgem car rink,’ says Terry.

  ‘And that pit of asps makes our snakes and ladders level look as harmless as a petting zoo!’ I remind him.

  ‘And aren’t you the guy who fought a giant crab?!’ says Terry. ‘Remember this?’

  Terry shows the inspector his selfie.

  ‘Yeah,’ says the inspector. ‘I did, didn’t I? I really did fight a giant crab.’

  ‘You sure did,’ I say. ‘Nobody’s ever fought a bigger or more dangerous crab in the history of the entire world.’

  The inspector rubs his chin thoughtfully. ‘Well, let’s see, I mean given everything that we’ve been through, I’m prepared to be a little bit flexible. I can overlook some things, like the sharks, the bowling alley and the chainsaws … but there’s absolutely no way I can ignore the fact that you do not have a disabled-access ramp, and therefore I simply cannot issue the permit no matter how much I would like to. My hands are tied.’

  ‘What if we build one?’ I say.

  ‘Well, of course!’ says the inspector. ‘If you build the ramp I can issue the permit and then call off the wrecking crew. But I’m afraid you don’t have much time. They’ll be here any minute.’

  ‘No problem,’ I say. ‘We can do it, but we’re going to need some extra Andys and Terrys. Come on, Terry! To the cloning machine! We haven’t a moment to lose!’

  With the help of our clones—and some of Jill’s animals—we build the ramp at super-speed and have it ready just in time for the grand opening.

  ‘So,’ I say to the inspector, ‘what do you think?’

  ‘I’ve inspected a lot of ramps in my time,’ he says, ‘but this is by far the most dangerous one I’ve ever seen … I LOVE it!

  He signs a piece of paper on his clipboard, hands it to us and says:

  ‘The ramp you’ve built is perfect

  And has earned my stamp of approval,

  So your treehouse now has a permit

  And there’s no need for its removal.’

  ‘Cool!’ says Terry. ‘We can put the permit on the tree trunk right next to my certific-ant.’

  The inspector shakes our hands and says:

  ‘And now there’s nothing for me to do

  But to go and cancel the wrecking crew.

  And so I take my leave of you,

  I bid the two of you adieu.’

  The inspector grabs a vine and swings down through the leaves and into the forest.

  ‘Now can I say it?’ says Terry.

  ‘Say what?’

  ‘That everything has worked out quite nicely.’

  ‘Not really,’ I say. ‘Because there’s still one thing we haven’t done.’

  ‘What thing?’ says Terry.

  ‘We still haven’t written our book and it’s due in at twelve o’clock!’

  ‘What time is it now?’

  ‘Almost twelve o’clock.’

  ‘Gulp!’ says Terry.

  CHAPTER 13

  THE LAST CHAPTER

  ‘But it will be impossible to do the book by twelve o’clock,’ says Terry. ‘We haven’t even started it.’

  ‘Speak for yourself!’ I say. ‘I’ve done chapter one and I started chapter two but I had to stop because you were strangling me.’

  ‘Well, yes, but, technically, that wasn’t me,’ says Terry. ‘It was the ants pretending to be me.’

  ‘Well, yes, technically, but it was your fault the ants were so angry,’ I remind him.

  ‘Well, technically, yes,’ he says, ‘but, technically, you were responsible for them being angry as well.’

  ‘Well, if you want to get technical about it, yes, that’s true, but it was you who left the gate open.’

  ‘Well, technically, yes, but, technically …’

  ‘Excuse me!’ shouts Jill through her micro-mini-megaphone. ‘Can I interrupt for a minute?’

  ‘Well, technically, you already have,’ I say.

  ‘Why don’t you just ask the ants to help you?’ she says.

  ‘How could they help?’ I say.

  ‘They’re very good at forming words—and pictures—and they can do it very fast,’ says Jill. ‘You saw how quickly they made the certific-ant.’

  ‘But how could they write and illustrate a whole book?’ I say. ‘They don’t even know the story.’

  ‘Easy,’ says Jill. ‘You tell it to me and I’ll tell it to them and they’ll have it done in no time.’

  ‘Okay,’ I say. ‘Well, my name is Andy.’

  ‘And I’m Terry,’ says Terry.

  ‘And we live in a tree …’ I say.

  ‘Um,’ says Jill, ‘I already know all this. You might want to speed it up a bit. Remember, you haven’t got much time.’

  ‘Good point,’ I say. ‘We’ll speed-talk it.’

  ‘Okay, they’re ready,’ says Jill. ‘Watch this!’

  ‘Wow! Look at them go!’ says Terry. ‘They’re forming the pages right in front of our very eyes!’

  ‘That’s our best book ever,’ I say. ‘And to think that it’s all made by ants! But how are we going to get it to Mr Big Nose on time?’

  ‘I know!’ says Terry. ‘Let’s go ask the three wise owls.’

  ‘Do you really think that’s such a good idea?’ says Jill.

  ‘Yes,’ says Terry. ‘They’re very wise.’

  ‘I’m not so sure about that,’ says Jill.

  ‘But they were the ones who suggested we go time travelling to get our permit,’ I say, ‘and that was a good idea … well, sort of.’

  ‘All right,’ says Jill. ‘I guess it can’t hurt.’ She jumps onto my shoulder and we all head up to the wise owls’ house.

  ‘O, wise owls,’ says Terry, ‘how can we get our book to Mr Big Nose on time?’

  ‘What are they trying to tell us?’ I say.

  ‘I don’t know,’ sa
ys Terry, ‘but it sounds very wise.’

  ‘Not to me, it doesn’t,’ says Jill. ‘It just sounds like they’re saying random words.’

  ‘They’re not random,’ says Terry. ‘You put them together and they reveal a hidden meaning.’

  ‘Okay,’ says Jill. ‘What’s the hidden meaning of “Cheesesticks, elbow, hoo, blibber, blabber, bloo, chicken, chutney, poop-poop”?’

  Terry looks at me. I look at Terry. We both shrug.

  Suddenly we hear a loud roar and a motorbike flies through the leaves of the tree and skids to a stop in front of us.

  The rider dismounts, and removes his helmet.

  ‘Inspector Bubblewrap?!’ I say.

  ‘At your service,’ he says. ‘But I’m not an inspector any more—I’m a stuntman. You can call me Super BW from now on. The BW stands for bubble wrap.’

  ‘But safety is your life,’ says Terry.

  ‘It was my life,’ says Super BW, ‘but I’ve swapped my hard hat for a helmet and decided to become a stuntman. I came back to thank you both for changing my life for the better. But what’s the matter? You look worried.’

  ‘It’s our new book,’ I say. ‘We have to get it to Mr Big Nose in less than one minute but his office is in the city on the other side of the forest!’

  ‘Sounds like a job for Super BW,’ he says. ‘I’ll not only get it there on time, but I’ll do it in the most spectacularly dangerous and thrilling way possible. Your new disabled-access ramp will be perfect for a stunt like this.’

  Super BW takes our book, puts on his helmet, remounts his bike and rides out of the tree and into the forest to get the longest run-up possible.

  ‘Clear the ramp!’ I say. ‘Super BW is coming through!’

  We hear the revving of his bike’s engine and then Super BW comes speeding up the ramp … shoots off up into the air … flies over the forest, towards the city …

  and approaches the office of Big Nose Books where Mr Big Nose is sitting at his desk, watching Super BW come closer …

  until he smashes through the window …

  delivers the book …

  and then rides out again!

  ‘THAT! WAS! AMAZING!’ says Terry.

  ‘Yeah,’ I say, ‘I’ve never seen a jump like it. But when he threw the book on Mr Big Nose’s desk, the ants went everywhere.’

  ‘Don’t worry,’ says Jill. ‘They’ll remember their places and get back into position very quickly. Can you draw me normal size again please, Terry?’

  ‘Sure,’ he says.

  ‘May I keep the micro-mini-megaphone, though?’ says Jill. ‘It will come in handy for talking to giraffes.’

  ‘And giants,’ I say.

  ‘Speaking of gi-ants,’ says Jill, ‘I’d better be getting back to my pet salon. I’ve promised the prehistoric ant that I’ll update his hairstyle—the one he has at the moment is a little old-fashioned!’

  ‘Well,’ I say, after Jill has gone, ‘I guess we’d better be getting up to Tree-NN. We’ve got some important news to announce.’

  ‘What?’ says Terry.

  ‘That we’re going to add another 13 storeys to the treehouse!’

  ‘Yay!’ says Terry. ‘A 78-storey treehouse. Can one of the new storeys be a drive-through car wash that we can drive through with the windows down? I’ve always wanted to try that!’

  ‘Me too!’ I say. ‘Let’s do it!’

  THE END

  The 78-Storey Treehouse

  Join Andy and Terry in their newly expanded 78-storey treehouse featuring 13 brand-new, surprising, crazy and fun-packed storeys!

  ABOUT ANDY GRIFFITHS AND TERRY DENTON

  Andy Griffiths lives in a 65-storey treehouse with his friend Terry and together they make funny books, just like the one you’re holding in your hands right now. Andy writes the words and Terry draws the pictures. If you’d like to know more, read this book (or visit www.andygriffiths.com.au).

  Terry Denton lives in a 65-storey treehouse with his friend Andy and together they make funny books, just like the one you’re holding in your hands right now. Terry draws the pictures and Andy writes the words. If you’d like to know more, read this book (or visit www.terrydenton.com).

  ALSO BY ANDY GRIFFITHS AND TERRY DENTON

  Just Tricking!

  Just Annoying!

  Just Stupid!

  Just Crazy!

  Just Disgusting!

  Just Shocking!

  Just Macbeth!

  Just Doomed!

  The Bad Book

  The Very Bad Book

  The Cat on the Mat is Flat

  The Big Fat Cow That Goes Kapow

  What Bumosaur is That?

  What Body Part is That?

  The 13-Storey Treehouse

  The 26-Storey Treehouse

  The 39-Storey Treehouse

  The 52-Storey Treehouse

  Once upon a Slime: 45 fun ways to get writing … FAST!

  ALSO BY ANDY GRIFFITHS

  The Day My Bum Went Psycho

  Zombie Bums from Uranus

  Bumageddon: The Final Pongflict

  Schooling Around:

  Treasure Fever!

  Pencil of Doom!

  Mascot Madness!

  Robot Riot!

  ANDY GRIFFITHS AND TERRY DENTON

  ONCE UPON A SLIME

  Is this the right book for you?

  Take the SLIME TEST and find out.

  Have you ever wondered where ideas come from and how stories are made?

  Would you like to know the true stories behind some of Andy and Terry’s books and characters?

  Would you like to discover 45 great ways to have fun with words and pictures?

  SCORE: If you answered YES to any of these questions, then this is definitely the right book for you! If you answered NO to all of these questions then you are an IDIOT and this is DEFINITELY the right book for you!

  Crammed full of examples from Andy and Terry’s bestselling books, Once upon a Slime is designed to inspire you to have as much fun playing with ideas, words and drawings as Andy and Terry do when they get together to create their crazy cartoons, ridiculous rhymes, silly stories, comic novels and stupid guide books.

  THE TREEHOUSE SERIES ANDY GRIFFITHS AND TERRY DENTON

  THE 13-STOREY TREEHOUSE

  Who wouldn’t want to live in a treehouse? Especially a 13-storey treehouse that has a bowling alley, a see-through swimming pool, a tank full of sharks, a library full of comics, a secret underground laboratory, a games room, self-making beds, vines you can swing on, a vegetable vaporiser and a marshmallow machine that follows you around and automatically shoots your favourite flavoured marshmallows into your mouth whenever it discerns you’re hungry.

  Two new characters – Andy and Terry – live here, make books together, and have a series of completely nutty adventures. Because: ANYTHING can happen in a 13-storey treehouse.

  This is a major new series from Andy and Terry – and it’s the logical evolution of all their previous books. There are echoes of the Just stories in the Andy and Terry friendship, the breakaway stories in the Bad Book (the Adventures of Super Finger), there’s the easy readability of the Cat on the Mat and the Big Fat Cow, and like all these books, the illustrations are as much a part of the story as the story itself.

  ANDY GRIFFITHS AND TERRY DENTON

  THE 26-STOREY TREEHOUSE

  Join Andy and Terry in their newly expanded treehouse, which now features 13 brand-new storeys, including a dodgem car rink, a skate ramp, a mud-fighting arena, an anti-gravity chamber, an ice-cream parlour with 78 flavours run by an ice-cream serving robot called Edward Scooperhands and the Maze of Doom – a maze so complicated that nobody who has gone in has ever come out again… well, not yet, anyway.

  Well, what are you waiting for? Come on up!

  ANDY GRIFFITHS AND TERRY DENTON

  THE 39-STOREY TREEHOUSE

  Join Andy and Terry in their astonishing 39-storey treehouse! Jump on the world’s highest t
rampoline, toast marshmallows in an active volcano, swim in the chocolate waterfall, pat baby dinosaurs, go head-to-trunk with the Trunkinator, break out your best moves on the dance floor, fly in a jet-propelled swivel chair, ride a terrifying rollercoaster and meet Professor Stupido, the world’s greatest UN-inventor.

  Well, what are you waiting for? Come on up!

  ANDY GRIFFITHS AND TERRY DENTON

  THE 52-STOREY TREEHOUSE

  Andy and Terry’s incredible, ever-expanding treehouse has 13 new storeys, including a watermelon-smashing level, a wave machine, a life-size snakes and ladders game (with real ladders and real snakes), a rocket-powered carrot-launcher, a Ninja Snail Training Academy and a high-tech detective agency with all the latest high-tech detective technology, which is lucky because they have a BIG mystery to solve – where is Mr Big Nose???