The Big Fat Cow that Goes Kapow Read online

  Andy Griffiths is one of Australia’s funniest and most successful writers. His books have sold over 3 million copies worldwide, have featured on the New York Times bestseller lists, and have won over 30 Australian children’s choice awards.

  Terry Denton is a Melbourne writer and illustrator of children’s books who has collaborated with Andy Griffiths on ten books. He loves the challenge of playing with Andy and finding new and exciting ways of entertaining their readers.

  ALSO BY ANDY GRIFFITHS

  AND ILLUSTRATED BY TERRY DENTON

  Just Tricking!

  Just Annoying!

  Just Stupid!

  Just Crazy!

  Just Disgusting!

  Just Shocking!

  The Bad Book

  The Cat on the Mat is Flat

  What Bumosaur is That?

  ALSO BY ANDY GRIFFITHS

  The Day My Bum Went Psycho

  Zombie Bums from Uranus

  Bumageddon: The Final Pongflict

  Schooling Around:

  Treasure Fever!

  First published 2008 in Pan by Pan Macmillan Australia Pty Limited

  1 Market Street, Sydney

  Text copyright © Backyard Stories Pty Ltd 2008

  Illustrations copyright © Terry Denton 2008

  The moral rights of the creators have been asserted.

  All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted by any person or entity (including Google, Amazon or similar organisations), in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, scanning or by any information storage and retrieval system, without prior permission in writing from the publisher.

  National Library of Australia

  Cataloguing-in-Publication data:

  Griffiths, Andy, 1961–

  The big fat cow that goes kapow / Andy Griffiths;

  illustrator, Terry Denton.

  Sydney : Pan Macmillan, 2008.

  978 0 330 42415 8 (pbk.)

  For primary school age

  Denton, Terry, 1950–

  A823.3

  Internal design by Liz Seymour and Terry Denton Typeset in 18/25 Janson Text by Liz Seymour Printed in Australia by McPherson’s Printing Group

  Papers used by Pan Macmillan Australia Pty Ltd are natural, recyclable products made from wood grown in sustainable forests. The manufacturing processes conform to the environmental regulations of the country of origin.

  These electronic editions published in 2008 by Pan Macmillan Australia Pty Ltd

  1 Market Street, Sydney 2000

  The moral rights of the creators have been asserted.

  All rights reserved. This publication (or any part of it) may not be reproduced or transmitted, copied, stored, distributed or otherwise made available by any person or entity (including Google, Amazon or similar organisations), in any form (electronic, digital, optical, mechanical) or by any means (photocopying, recording, scanning or otherwise) without prior written permission from the publisher.

  The Big Fat Cow that Goes Kapow

  Andy Griffiths

  Adobe eReader format 978-1-74198-244-2

  Microsoft Reader format 978-1-74198-303-6

  Mobipocket format 978-1-74198-362-3

  Online format 978-1-74198-421-7

  Epub format 978-1-74262-211-8

  Macmillan Digital Australia www.macmillandigital.com.au

  Visit www.panmacmillan.com.au to read more about all our books and to buy both print and ebooks online. You will also find features, author interviews and news of any author events.

  Contents

  About Andy and Terry

  Also by Andy Griffiths and Illustrated by Terry Denton

  Title Page

  Copyright

  Big Fat Cows

  Noel the Mole

  Klaus the Mouse

  Willy the Worm

  Keith, Ed and Daisy

  Lumpy-head Fred

  Brave Dave

  Ruth’s Super Scooter

  Mike’s Bike

  Somewhere Less Spiky

  BIG FAT COWS

  It’s raining

  big fat cows

  today.

  How many cows?

  It’s hard to say.

  A big cow here.

  A fat cow there.

  Big fat cows are

  Cows under water.

  Cows in space.

  Big fat cows

  all over the place!

  Cows in boats.

  Cows in suits.

  Big fat cows

  in cowboy boots!

  This one is a

  mixed-up cow.

  It flaps its wings

  and says miaow!

  Oh no—watch out!

  Don’t look now!

  This one is an

  EXPLODING cow …

  NOEL THE MOLE

  Here is a hole.

  A deep,

  dark

  hole.

  In this hole

  lives a mole

  called Noel.

  He eats

  black coal.

  He plays

  rock-and-roll.

  And

  that’s

  the

  whole

  story

  of

  the

  mole

  called

  Noel —

  he’s a

  hole-dwelling,

  coal-eating

  rock-and-roll

  mole!

  KLAUS THE MOUSE

  This

  is

  Klaus.

  Klaus

  is a

  mouse. Klaus

  the

  mouse

  has

  a

  very

  small

  house.

  A

  very,

  very,

  very,

  very,

  very

  small

  house.

  But Klaus

  the mouse

  hates his

  small house …

  because

  Klaus

  is

  a

  VERY,

  VERY,

  VERY

  BIG

  mouse!

  WILLY THE WORM

  This is Willy.

  Willy the worm.

  He goes to

  squirm school

  to learn how

  to squirm.

  But Willy the worm

  is a very bad learner.

  He’s wiggly

  on the

  straight,

  and a

  terrible

  turner!

  Willy never pays attention,

  and he mucks around a lot.

  He always ends up

  in a great big knot!

  KEITH, ED AND DAISY

  Here is a man

  called Three-coat Keith.

  He wears one coat on top

  and two underneath.

  Keith has a brother

  called Five-hat Ed.

  He wears five hats

  on top of his head.

  And this

  is their sister,

  One-dress Daisy.

  She shares her dress

  with her best friend, Maisie.

  LUMPY-HEAD

  FRED

  Have you heard

  about the boy called

  Lumpy-head Fred?

  He sleeps

  at the top

  of a

  100-decker

  bed!

  But

  poor

  old

  Fred

  always

  falls

  out of

  bed.

  Which

  is why

  he has

  such a

  lumpy

  bumpy

  head.

  BRAVE DAVE

  This is Dave

  who, during the day,

  is

  REALLY,

  REALLY,

  But, during the night,

  when there’s no light,

  Dave is NOT brave.

  He takes fright.

  Each noise

  he hears

  increases

  his fears.

  Every

  BUMP,

  every

  THUMP

  makes his

  poor heart

  JUMP!

  He sucks

  his thumb.

  He

  calls

  for

  his

  mum.

  He can’t wait

  for the

  morning

  to come.

  So if you need

  a brave job done

  call Dave in the day …

  but, at night,

  call his mum.

  RUTH’S SUPER SCOOTER

  Here comes Ruth.

  Ruth rides a scooter.

  Ruth rides a scooter

  with a super-loud hooter.

  With a super-hoot here …

  and a super-hoot there.

  Here a hoot.

  There a hoot.

  Everywhere a super-hoot!

  We think Ruth

  would be a LOT cuter

  if she’d only stop blowing

  her super-loud hooter.

  MIK
E’S BIKE

  Here comes Mike.

  Mike rides a bike.

  Mike rides a bike

  with a …

  very

  big spike!

  We don’t like Mike

  or his big spiky bike.

  Let’s go somewhere

  a little less Mikey!

  Let’s go somewhere

  a little less spiky!

  SOMEWHERE LESS

  SPIKY

  Here is a town

  that is really incredible.

  You can eat what you like

  because

  everything is edible.

  Here is a sea

  where you

  can breathe

  under water.

  You can stay

  under water

  for an hour

  AND a quarter.

  Here is

  a planet

  where people

  can fly.

  And the clouds

  are like

  trampolines

  up in the sky.

  And here is a land

  with big fat

  rain.

  It’s raining

  big fat cows

  again!

  A big cow here.

  A fat cow there.

  Big fat cows are

  Oh no—watch out!

  Don’t look now!

  Here comes that

  EXPLODING cow …

 

 

  Andy Griffiths, The Big Fat Cow that Goes Kapow

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