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Just Disgusting! Page 8


  All except for Andy, whose nimble feet and lightning reflexes ensured that he kept one step ahead of the fragmenting ground. He had only one thought in his head.

  ‘I have to get to my time machine, fast!’

  CHAPTER 31

  As Andy ran he saw Lisa Mackney wandering dazed and confused amidst the rubble.

  ‘Andy!’ she said. ‘What’s happening?’

  ‘It’s Danny’s fault!’ said Andy. ‘His stupid SUPER SLUG is destroying the world!’

  Lisa sighed. ‘Oh no,’ she said.

  ‘Oh yes,’ said Andy, rolling his eyes. ‘I tried to warn him. But he wouldn’t listen to me.’

  ‘What’s going to happen, Andy?’ said Lisa. ‘Are we all doomed?’

  ‘Not if I can help it,’ said Andy. ‘I have a time machine at my house. I haven’t tested it yet, but I’m pretty sure it will work. If we can make it to the time machine we can go back in time and stop Danny from creating his SUPER SLUG in the first place.’

  ‘But how?’ said Lisa.

  ‘We’ll worry about that when we get there,’ said Andy. ‘Let’s go!’

  CHAPTER 32

  Andy and Lisa ran through the crumbling streets towards his house.

  At last they arrived, panting hard.

  ‘Wow!’ said Lisa, staring at the time machine. ‘Very impressive! But where on earth did you get hold of a perambulic merimbulator?’

  ‘I made it myself,’ said Andy. ‘I used a Milo tin and a mattress spring.’

  ‘Brilliant!’ said Lisa, admiringly. ‘Utterly brilliant!’

  ‘Let’s just hope it works!’ said Andy, modestly. He opened the door and ushered her in. ‘Step inside.’

  Andy followed Lisa into the machine and quickly began flicking switches and twiddling dials on the control panel. ‘Are you ready?’

  ‘Yes,’ said Lisa. ‘Just a little scared.’

  ‘Hold my hand,’ said Andy, taking her hand in his. ‘Blast off!’

  CHAPTER 33

  ‘Nothing’s happening,’ said Lisa.

  ‘It’s already happened,’ said Andy. ‘If you open the door you’ll find we have returned to Earth exactly as it was one month ago when Danny first got this whole stupid slug idea into his head.’

  Andy pushed open the door.

  The time machine was suddenly flooded with sunlight.

  Andy and Lisa stepped outside and, sure enough, they found Earth exactly as it had been one month ago. There was no marauding SUPER SLUG. No cracks in the ground. No disappearing houses.

  ‘Wow!’ said Lisa. ‘That’s fantastic! But how do we find Danny before he does it all over again?’

  ‘No problems,’ said Andy. ‘If my calculations are correct, he’s just about to turn up.’

  ‘Here he is now!’ said Lisa.

  CHAPTER 34

  Danny, who was a very stupid boy, walked into Andy’s backyard.

  ‘I’ve figured out what I’m going to do for my science project,’ he said. ‘I’m going to create a SUPER SLUG!’

  ‘A SUPER SLUG?’ said Andy, smiling at Lisa.

  ‘Yeah!’ said Danny, with little bits of spit flying from his mouth as they always did when he got excited. ‘A SUPER slug. A really BIG slug. A slug bigger than any slug in the whole world!’

  ‘Hmmm ...’ said Andy, stroking his chin. ‘Are you sure that’s a good idea? I happen to know quite a lot about slugs and, believe me, you don’t want to mess around with them. Did I ever tell you THE STORY OF THE VERY STUPID BOY AND THE VERY BIG SLUG?’

  ‘No,’ said Danny.

  ‘Well,’ said Andy, winking at Lisa, ‘Once upon a time there were two boys ...’

  CHAPTER 35

  ‘And that’s how the world was destroyed,’ said Andy, looking at Danny who was clearly terrified after hearing the story of the very stupid boy and the very big slug. ‘If only the very stupid boy had listened to the brave, handsome, strong, kind, generous and extremely intelligent boy then the whole tragedy could have been avoided.’

  ‘I ... I ... I don’t think I’ll make that SUPER SLUG after all,’ said Danny. ‘Can I help you with your time machine instead?’

  ‘Of course, Danny!’ said Andy, handing Danny an empty Milo tin with a mattress spring sticking out of the end. ‘How about you install the perambulic merimbulator?’

  ‘Whatever you say, chief,’ said the very stupid boy.

  CHAPTER 36

  ‘You’ve done it!’ whispered Lisa to Andy as Danny set to work. ‘You’ve saved the world!’

  Andy shrugged modestly.

  ‘It was nothing,’ he said. ‘It’s certainly not the first time. And knowing Daniel Pickett, it probably won’t be the last!’

  THE END OF THE SCI-FI MYSTERY ACTION

  ADVENTURE ROMANCE NOVEL BY ANDY GRIFFITHS

  WHICH WAS DEDICATED TO LISA MACKNEY.

  NB A perambulic merimbulator is the most important and complex component of a time machine. The difficulty of creating one has defeated all of the world’s top scientists, but not Andy, who is not only brave, handsome, strong, kind, generous, extremely intelligent, very knowledgeable about slugs, a very fast runner and very modest, but is also more brilliant than all of the world’s top scientists put together.

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  Take the TRICKING TEST and find out.

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  The Day My Bum Went Psycho

  Zack Freeman is ready to tell his story ...

  The story of a boy and his crazy runaway bum.

  The story of a crack bum-fighting unit called the B-team, a legendary Bum Hunter and his formidable daughter, and some of the biggest, ugliest and meanest bums ever to roam the face of the Earth.

  A story of courage and endurance that takes Zack on a journey across the Great Windy Desert, through the Brown Forest and over the Sea of Bums before descending into the heart of an explosive bumcano to confront the biggest, ugliest and meanest bum of them all ...

  The Day My Bum Went Psycho – a story that you and your bum will never forget.

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  Zombie Bums from Uranus

  Zack Freeman is back ... and so is his bum.

  Aided by little more than a squeezy bottle of tomato sauce, a rudimentary grasp of the hokey pokey and three of the oldest bum-fighters on the planet, Zack and his bum are fighting to protect the Earth against an invasion of the smelliest and most dangerous bums ever to pollute the universe: zombie bums from Uranus!

  Can they prevent the unthinkable – total zombie-bummification of the world?

  Be bold, be brave, be entertained beyond your wildest dreams in the heart-stopping, nostril-blasting, zombie-bums-from-Uranus-filled sequel to The Day My Bum Went Psycho.

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  Bumageddon: The Final Pongflict

  BUMS!

  ACTION!

  ADVENTURE!

  ROMANCE!

  ROBOTS!

  TIME TRAVEL!

  PREHISTORIC BUMS!

  GIANT BROWN BLOBS!

  A HUGE ARSETEROID!

  It began with The Day My Bum Went Psycho.

  It continued with Zombie Bums from Uranus.

  And now it ends with Bumageddon: The Final Pongflict.

  ‘Andy Griffiths’ sense of the stupid and subversive goes up to the top of the hi
ll and down the other side in Bumageddon: The Final Pongflict ... the final episode of the adventures of Zack Freeman and his amazing bottom.’

  SOUTH CHINA MORNING POST (YOUNG POST)

  ‘If your children like Roald Dahl, they’ll enjoy this.’

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