Just Macbeth
William Shakespeare wrote The Tragedy of Macbeth in 1606. It was first performed in 1611 and is one of the world’s most famous plays.
Andy Griffiths and Terry Denton created the Just! series in 1997. It has since gone on to sell over 2 million copies worldwide.
The Bell Shakespeare Company was formed in 1990 and is Australia’s only national touring theatre company dedicated to re-imagining the works of Shakespeare and other great playwrights. In 2005, they commissioned Andy and co-writer Jill Griffiths to adapt Macbeth for a younger audience. Director Wayne Harrison then transformed their script into the popular and critically acclaimed production that premiered at the Arts Centre in Melbourne on Saturday 20 September 2008.
The creative team was as follows:
DIRECTOR
Wayne Harrison
DESIGNER
Pip Runciman
LIGHTING DESIGNER
Martin Kinnane
COMPOSER
Tony David Cray
STAGE MANAGER
Sharna Colvin
ASSISTANT STAGE MANAGER
Courtney Hurry
The cast was:
ANDY
Patrick Brammall
DANNY
Tim Richards
LISA
Pippa Grandison
JEN
Rhiannon Owen
DUNCAN
Mark Owen-Taylor
LENNOX
John Leary
This book is based on that production.
www.andygriffiths.com.au
www.terrydenton.com
www.bellshakespeare.com.au
ALSO BY ANDY GRIFFITHS
AND ILLUSTRATED BY TERRY DENTON
Just Tricking!
Just Annoying!
Just Stupid!
Just Crazy!
Just Disgusting!
Just Shocking!
The Bad Book
The Big Fat Cow That Goes Kapow
The Cat on the Mat is Flat
What Bumosaur is That?
ALSO BY ANDY GRIFFITHS
The Day My Bum Went Psycho
Zombie Bums From Uranus
Bumageddon: The Final Pongflict
Schooling Around:
Treasure Fever!
Pencil of Doom!
Mascot Madness!
The characters and events in this book are fictitious and any
resemblance to real persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.
First published 2009 in Pan by Pan Macmillan Australia Pty Limited
1 Market Street, Sydney
Text copyright © Andy Griffiths and
Bell Shakespeare Company Pty Ltd 2009
Illustrations copyright © Terry Denton 2009
The moral rights of the creators have been asserted
All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or
transmitted by any person or entity (including Google, Amazon or
similar organisations), in any form or by any means, electronic or
mechanical, including photocopying, recording, scanning or by any
information storage and retrieval system, without prior permission
in writing from the publisher.
National Library of Australia
Cataloguing-in-Publication data:
Griffiths, Andy, 1961-
Just Macbeth / Andy Griffiths;
illustrator Terry Denton.
9780330425346 (pbk.)
Denton, Terry, 1950-
A823.3
Typeset in 12/16pt New Aster by Liz Seymour
Printed in Australia by McPherson’s Printing Group
Papers used by Pan Macmillan Australia Pty Ltd are natural, recyclable
products made from wood grown in sustainable forests. The
manufacturing processes conform to the environmental regulations of
the country of origin.
These electronic editions published in 2009 by Pan Macmillan Australia Pty Ltd
1 Market Street, Sydney 2000
The moral right of the author has been asserted.
All rights reserved. This publication (or any part of it) may not be reproduced
or transmitted, copied, stored, distributed or otherwise made available by any
person or entity (including Google, Amazon or similar organisations), in any
form (electronic, digital, optical, mechanical) or by any means (photocopying,
recording, scanning or otherwise) without prior written permission from the
publisher.
Just Macbeth
Andy Griffiths
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Contents
Characters
1. Double, double, toil and trouble
2. So foul and fair a day
3. Black and deep desires
4. He doth protest too much
5. Is this a dagger?
6. Horror, horror, horror!
7. Macbeth does murder sleep
8. Confusion’s masterpiece
9. All hail the King
10. Our fears in Banquo stick deep
11. These terrible dreams
12. Fly, Fleance, fly!
13. Hence, horrible shadow!
14. Something wicked this way comes
15. Deeds of dreadful note
16. Not so happy, but happier
17. Out, damned spot!
18. Sound and fury
19. Turn, hell-hound, turn!
20. All’s well that ends well?
Characters
ANDY/MACBETH a schoolboy who becomes
Macbeth, Thane of Glamis, later Thane of Cawdor,
then King of Scotland
LISA/LADY MACBETH a girl in Andy’s class who
becomes Lady Macbeth, Macbeth’s wife
DANNY/BANQUO Andy’s best friend who becomes
Banquo, Macbeth’s best friend
KING DUNCAN King of Scotland
MALCOLM King Duncan’s son
MACDUFF THE GNOME Thane of Fife
LENNOX a thane
ROSSE a thane
FLEANCE Banquo’s son
JEN Andy’s older sister
SECOND JEN Jen’s friend who is called Jen as well
THIRD JEN Jen’s other friend, also called Jen
THREE WITCHES
TWO WARRIORS
THREE APPARITIONS
DOCTOR
NURSE
MESSENGER
SERVANT
FIVE GNOMES
1
Double,
double, toil
and trouble
You know, I love Shakespeare.
And when I say I love Shakespeare, I don’t just mean I love Shakespeare, I mean I REALLY love Shakespeare.
And when I say I REALLY love Shakespeare, I don’t just mean I REALLY love Shakespeare: I mean I REALLY, REALLY love Shakespeare.
Not only is he the greatest playwright of all time, but if it wasn’t for him, Lisa wouldn’t be standing next to me. In my house.
Yes, you heard right.
Lisa Mackney.
The most beautiful girl in the world.
Is standing next to me!
In my house!
In my kitch
en, to be exact.
Now, I know what you’re thinking.
You’re thinking, ‘Andy, what is Lisa Mackney, the most beautiful girl in the world, doing standing next to you in your kitchen in your house?’
Well, if you’d just stop thinking for a minute, I’ll tell you.
We’re studying the play Macbeth at school. Our teacher, Ms Livingstone, thinks that the best way to study a play is to perform it, so she’s broken us up into groups and we each have to do a scene in front of the class tomorrow morning. Danny, Lisa and I are doing a scene where three witches put all these really horrible-sounding things into a cauldron and say a spell.
So that is why we are here in my kitchen: we’re rehearsing our scene. But we don’t have a cauldron. We’re using Mum’s new food processor. Mum doesn’t know it, of course, but I’m sure if she did she wouldn’t mind.
Anyway, that’s why Lisa Mackney, the most beautiful girl in the world, is standing next to me in my kitchen in my house and why we’re filling the food processor with really disgusting stuff …
LISA: One toad.
[Lisa is reading the list of ingredients from a copy of Macbeth and checking the items off one by one as Andy and Danny produce them.]
ANDY: One toad …
LISA: Check. Eye of newt.
ANDY: Eye of newt.
LISA: Errrggh! Must have been a big newt!
DANNY: Yeah!
LISA: Check. Toe of frog.
ANDY: Toe of frog. Danny? Where’s the toe of frog?
DANNY: Oh, sorry … I got a bit hungry … here’s what’s left.
[Danny is eating the frog, which is chocolate. He breaks off a bit of the foot and hands it to Andy.]
ANDY: Thanks. Toe of frog.
LISA: Check. Tongue of dog.
ANDY: We don’t have a tongue of dog.
LISA: What about Sooty?
ANDY: Sooty? You want me to cut off Sooty’s tongue?!
LISA: Well, the recipe does say tongue of dog.
ANDY: But I can’t just cut off Sooty’s tongue!
LISA: Do you want our group to get the best mark or don’t you?
ANDY: But … it’s cruel …
LISA: Not cruel … necessary. I don’t like coming second. Tongue of dog! Here’s the knife. Hurry up.
ANDY: Here, Sooty … Here, boy …
DANNY: ANDY!
[Lisa and Andy freeze.]
I can’t believe Andy! He changes completely when he’s around Lisa.
Always trying to impress her. Yes, Lisa. No, Lisa. I’ll cut off my dog’s tongue for you, Lisa.I didn’t want to do this stupid scene anyway. I wanted to do a battle scene so I could stab someone. I didn’t even want to do a soliloquy, either—which is what this is called, where a character tells the audience what he is thinking—but Lisa said if you do Shakespeare then you have to do a soliloquy. Anyway, that’s mine done. ANDY! DROP THE KNIFE!
[Lisa and Andy unfreeze.]
ANDY: Huh? Uggh!
LISA: Pick up the knife, Andy.
DANNY: Drop it, Andy!
LISA: Pick it up!
DANNY: Drop it!
LISA: Pick it up!
DANNY: Drop it!
[Andy and Danny freeze.]
LISA: You know, I really like Andy, but boy, he’s got to get some better friends. Danny is really holding him back. Voting for class captains is coming up soon, and I think Andy would make a great boy class captain. But it’s not going to happen all by itself. We could really make an impression with this Shakespeare presentation. It would be a good start. For him, and for me, because I think I’d make an excellent choice for girl class captain.
[Andy and Danny unfreeze.]
Pick up the knife, Andy!
DANNY: Lisa, do you really want Andy to cut off Sooty’s tongue? Really?
LISA: No … I suppose not … just get a bit of his spit; that will do. It’s close enough, I guess.
ANDY: Help me lift him, Danny. We need to get his head over the blender.
DANNY: How do we get the spit out?
ANDY: Squeeze his back legs!
DANNY: Like this?
ANDY: Brilliant! Look at that! It’s pouring out!
DANNY: Harder?
ANDY: Yeah, go for it!
DANNY: Wow, he’s like a fountain!
ANDY: Yeah! A dog-spit fountain! Good boy, Sooty!
DANNY: Spit it up, Sooty! Good dog!
LISA: Come on, you two. Be serious. That will do now.
ANDY &DANNY: Spit! Spit! Spit!
LISA: ANDY! THAT’S ENOUGH!
ANDY: Oh, ah, yes … of course. Danny!
DANNY: Spit! Spit! Spit!
ANDY: DANNY!
DANNY: Spit! Spit! Spit!
ANDY: THAT’S ENOUGH!
DANNY: Are you sure? I think he’s got a bit more in him …
[Andy looks at Lisa—she nods.]
ANDY: Yes, I’m sure. Good boy, Sooty. You can go now.
[Sooty runs out of the room at high speed.]
LISA: Spit from the tongue of a dog. Check. Spleen of blaspheming boy.
DANNY: Damn! I forgot!
LISA: You just blasphemed. We can use yours.
DANNY: No I didn’t.
LISA: Yes you did. You said ‘damn’. Hand over your spleen, Danny. We need it.
DANNY: Are you joking?
ANDY: You heard her, Danny. Hand it over.
DANNY: No way! You’re not getting my spleen!
LISA: Do you want us to fail?
DANNY: No, I just don’t want to lose my spleen. Why can’t we use yours?
LISA: I’m a girl. The recipe says spleen of blaspheming boy.
DANNY: What about Andy? Why don’t we use his?
ANDY: Because I love my spleen!
DANNY: What is a spleen anyway?
[Andy, Danny and Lisa all look at each other and shrug.]
LISA: It doesn’t matter. We’ve got most of the ingredients. I can’t see that a spleen is going to make that much difference. Let’s do the scene.
DANNY: I thought that was the scene.
LISA: No, that was just preparing the cauldron. You can’t do the witches scene without the magic potion. It wouldn’t be realistic. And Shakespeare provided the exact recipe in the Scottish play.
DANNY: The Scottish play? I thought it was called—
ANDY: Don’t say it! Honestly, Danny, how many times do I have to remind you? The play has a curse on it. Throughout history, whenever the play has been performed and somebody says the name, something terrible happens. In the very first production ever, in 1611, the boy who played Lady Macbeth died backstage. And then—
DANNY: Hold on; did you just say boy?
ANDY: Yes.
DANNY: The boy who played Lady Macbeth?
LISA: Yes, Danny. If you’d been listening in class, Ms Livingstone already explained this. Women were forbidden to act in Shakespeare’s time. So boys and young men would play the parts of women. Luckily, we live in far more enlightened times.
DANNY: That sucks. No wonder the boy died.
LISA: What do you mean?
DANNY: Girl germs.
LISA: Girl germs? There’s no such thing.
DANNY: Actually, you’re wrong. Girl germs have been scientifically proven to be the most dangerous germs on the planet.
LISA: That’s just stupid. Boy germs are worse.
DANNY: Wrong again! Boy germs have been scientifically proven to be not only harmless, but may even be good for you.
LISA: That is so immature.
ANDY: Yes. Well. Most amusing, Daniel. But getting back to the point, the curse of the Scottish play is absolutely real!
DANNY: Yeah, right, Andy. If it’s so dangerous, then why are we doing it? I say we don’t. I’d rather fail than risk being killed or having to wear a dress.
LISA: Well I wouldn’t. I’ve never failed anything in my life and I don’t intend to start now.
ANDY: And we won’t be killed or have to wear a dress as long as y
ou don’t say the name of the play.
DANNY: All right. I promise I won’t say M—
LISA: Danny, no!
DANNY: Mac—
ANDY: Don’t say it!
DANNY: All right … I won’t say Macbeth. Oops!
ANDY: You idiot! Now our presentation will be cursed!
DANNY: [sarcastically] Oooooh … spooky!
ANDY: Just do the sound effects, Danny. And if you say the play’s name again, I’ll kill you.
DANNY: If you kill me, I’ll become a ghost and come back and haunt you.
ANDY: Oh yeah? Well then I’ll kill you again.
DANNY: You can’t kill a ghost.
ANDY: I’ll give it my best shot!