The 78-Storey Treehouse Page 5

  ‘Hey,’ says Jill, ‘that’s just like what happened to Silky.’

  ‘No, it’s not,’ says Terry. ‘She turned into a catnary, not an udderfly.’

  ‘Shh!’ I say.

  ‘Hey,’ says Terry, ‘that’s just like my Ninja Snails.’

  ‘I know,’ I say. ‘Those cows have stolen all our stories.’

  ‘Shh!’ says Jill.

  ‘Hey,’ says Terry, ‘that’s just like when the shark ate my underpants.’

  ‘Duh!’ I say, jumping up in front of him. ‘Don’t you get it yet?’

  ‘Sit down, Andy,’ says Jill. ‘I can’t see the mooo-vie.’

  ‘Cows are funny,’ says Terry.

  ‘They’re also thieves,’ I say. ‘They stole that idea from Barky the Barking Dog.’

  ‘Shh,’ says Jill. ‘I can’t hear what Mooey is saying.’

  ‘Remember when we had an epic interstellar space battle, Andy?’ says Terry.

  ‘I sure do,’ I say. ‘And it looks like the cows do too. They are such copycats.’

  ‘I think you mean copycows,’ says Jill.

  ‘Oh, that’s so sweet,’ says Jill.

  ‘But it’s OUR story,’ I say.

  ‘No, it’s not,’ says Terry. ‘We’re best friends not barn buddies.’

  ‘Hey!’ says Terry. ‘That’s

  exactly how our story ends …

  Wait a minute …

  WAIT a minute …

  Hang on …

  Just one more minute …

  ‘THOSE THIEVING COWS STOLE OUR MOVIE!’ yells Terry. ‘THEY COPIED ALL OUR IDEAS!’

  ‘That’s what I’ve been trying to tell you all along!’ I say.

  ‘Yeah,’ says Terry. ‘I know. Sorry I didn’t listen to you. But look on the bright side: everybody seems to have liked the cows’ movie, so they’re sure to like ours too.’

  ‘Well, they would have,’ I say, ‘but if we release our movie now everybody will say we copied our ideas from a bunch of cows!’

  ‘I think that should be a herd of cows,’ says Jill.

  ‘That’s not important now!’ I say.

  ‘Just because you’re upset,’ Jill says, ‘that’s no reason not to use the correct term for a group of cows.’

  ‘But we didn’t copy them,’ says Terry. ‘They copied us!’

  ‘I know that and you know that and Jill knows that,’ I say, ‘but nobody else knows that. We’ll just have to make another movie about how the cows stole our first movie … but this time we’ll make sure the cows don’t know anything about the movie we’re making.’

  ‘Um, Andy,’ says Jill, ‘I think—’

  ‘Not now, Jill,’ I say, ‘I have to talk to Mr Big Shot.’

  ‘But it’s important.’

  ‘It will have to wait!’ I say. ‘We need to get started on our next movie right away. Let’s find Mr Big Shot and get filming.’

  ‘Here he comes now,’ says Terry.

  ‘Hey, Mr Big Shot,’ I say. ‘We need to talk to you!’

  ‘Hi, gang!’ he says. ‘Great movie, huh?’

  ‘Well, kind of,’ I say, ‘but it was our movie!’

  ‘Yeah,’ says Mr Big Shot, shrugging. ‘What can I say? The cows got there first. Your movie is ruined. But, hey, that’s show business.’

  ‘But we’ve got a great idea for another movie,’I say, ‘and we’d like you to direct it. We want to get started right now before the cows steal this idea as well.’

  ‘I’m sorry,’ says Mr Big Shot, ‘but the cows have already hired me to direct their next movie. It’s about some cows who steal a movie idea about a movie about idea-stealing cows. It’s going to be even bigger, better and creamier than Cowhouse: The Mooo-vie. In fact, we’re off to Hollywood right now! These cows are going to be BIG stars!’

  ‘Deja vu,’ whispers Terry.

  ‘Deja moo, you mean,’ I say.

  CHAPTER 13

  THE LAST CHAPTER

  We get back to the treehouse and sit on the couch.

  ‘So what do we do now?’ I say.

  ‘I don’t know,’ says Terry. ‘What did we used to do before we were about to be movie stars?’

  ‘Beats me,’ I say.

  ‘You used to make books together,’ says Jill. ‘You wrote the words, Andy, and Terry, you drew the pictures.’

  The video phone rings.

  ‘Uh-oh,’ I say. ‘That will be Mr Big Nose. He’s probably heard about the movie. He’s not going to be happy.’

  ‘You answer it, Andy,’ says Terry.

  ‘I’m not answering it,’ I say. ‘I’m scared.’

  ‘Me too,’ says Terry. ‘Let’s hide behind the couch.’

  Jill sighs. ‘I’ll do it,’ she says.

  Jill answers the video phone and Mr Big Nose’s face fills the screen. He looks bigger and crosser than ever.

  ‘WHERE’S ANDY AND TERRY?’ he yells.

  ‘They’re hiding behind the couch,’ says Jill.

  ‘I’m not surprised,’ yells Mr Big Nose. ‘I heard those clowns ruined the movie!’

  ‘It wasn’t their fault,’ says Jill. ‘It was the cows. They copied all the ideas and made their own movie.’

  ‘COWS?!’ yells Mr Big Nose.

  I jump up. ‘Yes,’ I say. ‘Cows! But these were no ordinary cows. They were spy cows! I tried to warn everybody, but no one would listen to me, not even Terry.’

  Terry jumps up from behind the couch. ‘That’s not fair, Andy,’ he says. ‘You were covered in prickles and had a cowpat on your head. You can’t blame us for thinking it was just another one of your crazy schemes to wreck the movie, like the scribbling, the flying plates and the Andy invasion.’

  ‘What?’ yells Mr Big Nose. ‘You tried to wreck the movie?!’

  ‘No,’ I say. ‘I tried to save the movie. The plates and the scribbletorium explosion were both accidents. And I tried to stop the Andys, but they wouldn’t listen to me either. And by the way, I also practically saved the entire planet from being empuddled by a giant puddle!’

  ‘THAT’S ENOUGH!’ says Mr Big Nose. ‘This whole explanation is the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever heard. In fact, it’s so ridiculous it sounds like the plot of one of your books. Speaking of which, if I can’t have a movie then I’ll have a book instead. By midnight tonight. Without fail. Or else! GOODBYE!’

  ‘Well,’ says Terry, ‘that all seemed to work out quite nicely.’

  ‘Yeah,’ I say, ‘except that we’ve got to write a book by midnight.’

  ‘No problem!’ says Terry. ‘Midnight it is.

  Hang on …

  Wait a minute …

  Wait another minute …

  Hang on …

  Just one more minute …

  Do you mean midnight … tonight?’

  ‘Yes,’ says Jill. ‘Midnight tonight.’

  ‘Big problem!’ says Terry. ‘That’s hardly any time at all and we don’t even have an idea for a book because we’ve been so busy with the movie!’

  ‘That’s it!’ I say. ‘We’ll write the book about making the movie! Mr Big Nose said it was a ridiculous story, so it’s perfect!’

  ‘You mean we’re going to write a book about writing a book about making a movie about writing a book?’ says Terry. ‘That sounds complicated.’

  ‘That’s because it is!’ I say. ‘We’d better get started before it gets any more complicated.’

  ‘But what about the cows?’ says Terry. ‘Won’t they just steal all our ideas and bring out the book before us?’

  ‘No, of course not,’ I say. ‘Cows can’t write books.’

  ‘Good point,’ says Terry.

  ‘Okay,’ says Terry. ‘We’ll call it The Book of the Book of the Movie of the Book.’

  ‘I’m not sure about that,’ I say. ‘How about The 78-Storey Treehouse? It will be easier for our readers to remember.’

  ‘Good thinking, Andy,’ says Terry. ‘Let’s get to work.’

  ‘It’s action-packed!’ says T
erry. ‘Our best yet! Just one question.’

  ‘What is it?’ I say.

  ‘How are we going to get it to Mr Big Nose on time?’

  ‘I’m not sure,’ I say. ‘But we need to think of something fast because it’s five minutes to midnight!’

  ‘Look!’ says Jill. ‘The giant unhatched egg is cracking—it must be about to hatch!’

  ‘I wonder what it will be,’ says Terry. ‘I hope it’s not a cow.’

  ‘Don’t worry,’ says Jill. ‘Cows don’t hatch from eggs.’

  ‘But birds do,’ I say. ‘Maybe it will be a really fast one, like a supersonic sparrow or a fuel-injected falcon, and it could deliver our book for us.’

  ‘It’s a tortoise!’ says Jill.

  ‘Oh, great!’ I say. ‘Just what we don’t need. One of the slowest animals in the world. A tortoise isn’t going to be any help to us at all.’

  ‘I wouldn’t be so sure about that,’ says Jill. ‘See the engine and the exhaust pipes coming out of its shell? If I’m not mistaken, it’s a turbo tortoise, one of the fastest animals in the world.’

  We put the manuscript in the turbo tortoise’s mouth and Jill explains where we need it delivered. The tortoise fires up and takes off faster than a speeding bullet driving a Ferrari.

  ‘Mission accomplished!’ says Terry, peering through our night telescope as the turbo tortoise crashes through Mr Big Nose’s office window. ‘It’s 11.59 pm and 59 seconds. The turbo tortoise has delivered the book with one second to spare!’

  ‘Yay!’ I say, grabbing Terry’s hand and Jill’s hand and raising them in triumph.

  MEOW SQUAWK MOO!

  COCK-A-DOODLE-DOO!

  HONK OINK NEIGH!

  SQUEAK ROAR BRAY!

  ‘Uh-oh,’ says Jill, looking at her intergalactic space-animal rescue service emergency pager. ‘A gorilla has crash-landed a banana rocket on Planet Kong. See you both later. I’m sorry the cows stole your movie, but your book is great! Much better than a silly old mooo-vie any day!’

  ‘Well, that was a fun day,’ says Terry. ‘What are we going to do tomorrow?’

  ‘I’ll tell you what you’re going to do,’ says a voice behind us.

  We turn to see a mysterious woman wearing a brightly coloured headscarf, large gold earrings and a necklace made of gold coins. She’s holding a crystal ball in her hand.

  ‘Who are you?’ I say.

  ‘I am Madame Know-it-all,’ she says. ‘I know all and see all and I already know that you are going to build me a level where I can set up my fortune-telling tent and end my wandering ways.’

  ‘What a good idea!’ says Terry. It will be great to have a full-time fortune teller—then we’ll always know what’s going to happen next! And we can build some other new levels while we’re at it.’

  ‘I knew you were going to do that as well,’ says Madame Know-it-all.

  ‘Wow!’ I say.

  ‘I knew you were going to say that, too,’ she says.

  ‘What’s going to happen next?’ says Terry.

  ‘Nothing,’ she says, ‘because it’s the end of the book.’

  ‘I knew that,’ I say.

  ‘I knew it first,’ says Madame Know-it-all.

  The 91-Storey Treehouse

  Join Andy and Terry in their newly expanded 91-storey treehouse featuring 13 brand-new, surprising, crazy and fun-packed storeys!

  Andy Griffiths lives in a 78-storey treehouse with his friend Terry and together they make funny books, just like the one you’re holding in your hands right now. Andy writes the words and Terry draws the pictures. If you’d like to know more, read this book (or visit www.andygriffiths.com.au).

  Terry Denton lives in a 78-storey treehouse with his friend Andy and together they make funny books, just like the one you’re holding in your hands right now. Terry draws the pictures and Andy writes the words. If you’d like to know more, read this book (or visit www.terrydenton.com).

  ALSO BY ANDY GRIFFITHS AND ILLUSTRATED BY TERRY DENTON

  Just Tricking!

  Just Annoying!

  Just Stupid!

  Just Crazy!

  Just Disgusting!

  Just Shocking!

  Just Macbeth!

  Just Doomed!

  The Bad Book

  The Very Bad Book

  The Cat on the Mat is Flat

  The Big Fat Cow That Goes Kapow

  What Bumosaur is That?

  What Body Part is That?

  The 13-Storey Treehouse

  The 26-Storey Treehouse

  The 39-Storey Treehouse

  The 52-Storey Treehouse

  The 65-Storey Treehouse

  Once upon a Slime: 45 fun ways to get writing ... FAST!

  The Treehouse Fun Book

  ALSO BY ANDY GRIFFITHS

  The Day My Bum Went Psycho

  Zombie Bums from Uranus

  Bumageddon: The Final Pongflict

  Schooling Around:

  Treasure Fever!

  Pencil of Doom!

  Mascot Madness!

  Robot Riot!

  ANDY GRIFFITHS AND TERRY DENTON

  ONCE UPON A SLIME

  Is this the right book for you?

  Take the SLIME TEST and find out.

  Have you ever wondered where ideas come from and how stories are made?

  Would you like to know the true stories behind some of Andy and Terry’s books and characters?

  Would you like to discover 45 great ways to have fun with words and pictures?

  SCORE: If you answered YES to any of these questions, then this is definitely the right book for you! If you answered NO to all of these questions then you are an IDIOT and this is DEFINITELY the right book for you!

  Crammed full of examples from Andy and Terry’s bestselling books, Once upon a Slime is designed to inspire you to have as much fun playing with ideas, words and drawings as Andy and Terry do when they get together to create their crazy cartoons, ridiculous rhymes, silly stories, comic novels and stupid guide books.

  THE TREEHOUSE SERIES

  ANDY GRIFFITHS AND TERRY DENTON

  THE 13-STOREY TREEHOUSE

  Who wouldn’t want to live in a treehouse? Especially a 13-storey treehouse that has a bowling alley, a see-through swimming pool, a tank full of sharks, a library full of comics, a secret underground laboratory, a games room, self-making beds, vines you can swing on, a vegetable vaporiser and a marshmallow machine that follows you around and automatically shoots your favourite flavoured marshmallows into your mouth whenever it discerns you’re hungry.

  Two new characters – Andy and Terry – live here, make books together, and have a series of completely nutty adventures. Because: ANYTHING can happen in a 13-storey treehouse.

  This is a major new series from Andy and Terry- and it’s the logical evolution of all their previous books. There are echoes of the Just stories in the Andy and Terry friendship, the breakaway stories in the Bad Book (the Adventures of Super Finger), there’s the easy readability of the Cat on the Mat and the Big Fat Cow, and like all these books, the illustrations are as much a part of the story as the story itself.

  ANDY GRIFFITHS AND TERRY DENTON

  THE 26-STOREY TREEHOUSE

  Join Andy and Terry in their newly expanded treehouse, which now features 13 brand-new storeys, including a dodgem car rink, a skate ramp, a mud-fighting arena, an anti-gravity chamber, an ice-cream parlour with 78 flavours run by an ice-cream serving robot called Edward Scooperhands and the Maze of Doom - a maze so complicated that nobody who has gone in has ever come out again… well, not yet, anyway.

  Well, what are you waiting for? Come on up!

  ANDY GRIFFITHS AND TERRY DENTON

  THE 39-STOREY TREEHOUSE

  Join Andy and Terry in their astonishing 39-storey treehouse! Jump on the world’s highest trampoline, toast marshmallows in an active volcano, swim in the chocolate waterfall, pat baby dinosaurs, go head-to-trunk with the Trunkinator, break out your best moves on the dan
ce floor, fly in a jet-propelled swivel chair, ride a terrifying rollercoaster and meet Professor Stupido, the world’s greatest UN-inventor.

  Well, what are you waiting for? Come on up!

  ANDY GRIFFITHS AND TERRY DENTON

  THE 52-STOREY TREEHOUSE

  Andy and Terry’s incredible, ever-expanding treehouse has 13 new storeys, including a watermelon-smashing level, a wave machine, a life-size snakes and ladders game (with real ladders and realsnakes), a rocket-powered carrot-launcher, a Ninja Snail Training Academy and a high-tech detective agency with all the latest high-tech detective technology, which is lucky because they have a BIG mystery to solve - where is Mr Big Nose???

  Well, what are you waiting for? Come on up!

  ANDY GRIFFITHS AND TERRY DENTON

  THE 65-STOREY TREEHOUSE

  Andy and Terry’s amazing 65-storey treehouse now has a pet-grooming salon, a birthday room where it’s always your birthday (even when it’s not), a room full of exploding eyeballs, a lollipop shop, a quicksand pit, an ant farm, a time machine and Tree-NN: a 24-hour-a-day TV news centre keeping you up to date with all the latest treehouse news, current events and gossip.